Last night, I was asked if I was going to get a divorce. Later I was told it was "just a joke" but nonetheless it had already soaked into my brain and I was thinking about it. I can seriously say that I had not ever considered that for my life at this point so perhaps it was a good thing to think about, to ponder and to reflect on.
Life with four kids is very busy. Time for S and I to talk about anything other than the basics of kid care/kid stuff is zero. S works a lot although not as much as others I know. Most of his evenings are consumed with work and volunteer work after the kids go to bed. I also over extend myself and a lot of my "spare time" that could be spent with my husband is spent in fulfilling volunteer and community service commitments. Our time alone together is non-existent. We face the same struggles that a lot of couple face in their relationships including stress over money/finances, scheduling/priority issues, parenting issues and concerns and limited resources and support for child care or completing household tasks. That being said though, neither of us is at a point to end our relationship. Of course its not perfect, but then again whose is. There are always ways to improve communication and we need to continue to grow and learn together. Marriage is not easy. Relationships are not easy in general and I believe that marriage is one of the toughest relationships to keep growing and healthy. Many people continue to be married but are not happy, not communicating and not growing together. Some relationships are too co-dependent, some too independent. Some are functional and some are dysfunctional. Some are a true relationship and some are "convenient". None are easy.
Ours holds a lot of love, respect, communication and a desire to continue to build our relationship and grow together. Is that enough? I don't know. Are we going to get divorced? I don't know that either but I do know that we are committed and devoted to our relationship, each other and our family. We are aware that needs change and our relationship needs to evolve and change as well.
I grew up in my teen years (as if those weren't hard enough on their own) as a child of separated parent/step parent for 5 years (My Mom had died prior to that marriage). The constant emotional stress and strain that was experienced by each and every one of us in our family was intense. It was horrible. I would not consciously choose to put my children through that yet if I was compromising my self or my children physically or emotionally by staying in a relationship just to be "together" it would not be appropriate either.
Marriage is personal. To look at your own relationship, to keep developing communication, developing a common path or journey is key. I can understand how things fall apart, how relationships struggle and how many end up in divorce. I understand that. I also understand that the relationships are personal and for anyone else to try and understand someone else's marriage, to compare it to theirs or to try and fix it is not going to work. One cannot judge anyone else's life journey. We can only walk beside them offering love and support. If I found myself facing the end of my marriage, I would hope that I could turn to family and friends for unconditional love and support and that they could be there to assist me with limited judgment.
All that being said, I have been adorned with 4 bracelets, 4 earrings in each ear, 4 necklaces, 5 rings and a crown and my time and attention is needed elsewhere and I need to push this question out of my mind space.....that being easier said that done.