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When Loving them Just Isn't Enough


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Sunday, September 29. 2013

There are times in your parenting journey when despite all your love, you just can't make them feel better. Its so hard to watch them in pain and feeling miserable knowing that you have tried everything in your bag of tricks and then some. You have dragged them reluctantly to appointment after appointment, held them down for tests and procedures as they screamed and your heart broke into a million pieces because instead of protecting them in the way they want you to, you are holding them down and forcing them to endure pain as the medical personnel search for a vein for blood draws and IVs or do other tests and procedures. Having to miss the first day of school, spending hours in medical appointments and the ER, feeling awful and missing fun activities with family and friends and yet being full of life and energy at others. The frustration of not being able to figure out what triggers these episodes and the inconsistency of their nature. A few great days followed by one or two not so great, followed by a not so bad, mixed with more great and a few horrible painful episodes and pretty soon it all runs together. Following directions, enduring pain and never truly understanding what is happening. This is poor A-girl's reality, for now.

Last summer, she developed severe stomach pains. No other symptoms just severe stomach pains. After about a month of questions, altering diet and trying various medications the stomach aches ended without any recurrence until this summer. Almost to the week. Unfortunately this year, the symptoms are more severe are not responsive to the medications. There is no consistency and diet changes and restrictions are not having the same results as last year. After three months, A-girl is still doubling over in pain. Still pushing through pain with a smile on her face but its wearing on her. Her performance in school isn't as good as previously. She worries and is anxious about getting the stomach aches when we aren't at home. Her eyes are dull instead of having that shimmering. She is resourceful and has figured out ways to ease the pain and miss a bit of the activity instead of having to go home. There seem to be patterns and then when we think we have an idea, things change and it no longer seems to matter. Patience seems to be the biggest requirement, yet it is what is wearing thin. This coming week, in our search for knowledge and understanding, A-girl has to endure more procedures. The prep isn't fun and I am not looking forward to making her do things and putting her through this experience knowing we may be no closer to figuring things out and may need to continue this waiting game for many more weeks/months. Its moments like this that I so wish just loving her as much as I do was enough to make everything better.

The First Day of High School


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Thursday, September 26. 2013

L's much anticipated fist day of high school has arrived. Their school was under construction so started a month later than most school's in the area. As a result they will be running longer into the summer than the other schools and have a much leaner holiday schedule throughout the year.

It has been many years since she was in a traditional classroom after spending most of her elementary years being home schooled and her middle school years in an online school. She is not in a traditional school setting, however this format seems to be a great mix for her. She is attending a performing arts high school and spends the first two 80 minute periods each day dancing. She then has an early lunch and goes for three 80 minute academic classes. Because this is not our neighborhood school, L needs to be up bright and early to take a 40 minute bus ride to school. I think that transition has been hardest on me. I stay up much too late to be up and ready to start my day at 5:45 but I am adjusting. And so is L. She seemed to be a night owl but she loves the chance to dance everyday and has been committed to a successful transition that she has made it work.

She will have a lot of transitions and changes to get used to but is excited and enjoying the journey.

Orientation Night. What an information filled night. Building tours, photos, bus passes, informational meetings, and meeting some faculty.



The first morning of school. L gets picked up by the car pool about a half hour before sunrise. We drive once a week to the bus stop where the girls take a limited stop express rush hour bus.

Walking again


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Friday, September 20. 2013

A couple of months ago, I had to stop walking. I had been walking 3-5 miles or more a day with the dog. S and I would go out each evening, re-connect after busy days and it was a great way to get some fitness time in as well. My foot/feet had started bugging me more than the arthritis I have in both feet. This was agonizing. A trip to the doctor ended up in a referral to a specialist and the removal of all "extra walking" Sitting still is not my forte but in the hopes of quickly getting back to my regular routine, I did it. The specialist diagnosed me with plantar fasciitis and tendonitis in addition to the arthritis. She recommended a boot and cortisone shots but our insurance is so poor that we had to try a different route of physio and ultra sound. After several weeks and little change, I am in the boot. Its frustrating as I had not realized how much a part of my routine walking had become. I was in a lot better shape 8 weeks ago than I am now and that is the biggest frustration. Yesterday S. left for 11 days of work and fun so by necessity, I am walking the dog. While it isn't our usual 3-5 miles (more like 5 blocks) it has been great to get back out there. Its been a long 2 months. The best part is my walking buddy. Now I just need to have the inflammation go down enough to get back to my regular activities without the boot.

Its all fun and games til somebody gets a stick in the eye


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Tuesday, September 17. 2013

Last night was a pretty typical Monday night at our house. Three of the kids had soccer games or practice all at the same time. S and LJ came over to watch the second half of A-girls game after LJ's game had finished. He watched for a bit and then went off playing with the many other siblings that were there watching.

The kids and I were having a late dinner while S worked (he has been working many long hours the past two weeks on a project and tends to work his regular job and then come home and spend an hour or so at soccer and then work on this project til the week hours of the morning). All of a sudden A-girl announced, "Oh Gross!!! Look at (LJ's) eye!!!"

They all proceeded to comment on how red, gross and disgusting it looked. It did look red but you would have thought he had suffered a severe eye injury with parts hanging out the way they were carrying on. I just assumed it was from the dust on the infield of the ball diamond that we were standing in to watch the girls play. The noise level increased and poor LJ was looking like he had had enough.

I stated "Come on guys. Its not like he got a stick in the eye. Its likely just dust. Let's settle down and finish up."

Very slowly LJ's eyes looked up and quietly he said "I did get hit in the eye with a stick." WHAT?!?!

He explained that he was playing with a little girl that is in the same soccer league as he is and she accidentally hit him with the stick. He was totally unemotional and didn't seem the least upset by it. When I asked why he didn't tell me sooner, he said he didn't want to get her into trouble (just a little bit earlier a little boy had hit another boy which created some drama and in true LJ fashion, he wasn't having any part of it).

I asked him if it hurt much and he told me, "No. Only when I blink!" To me that would be in the much category, however not for LJ.

It is still red today but isn't bothering him at all. Who would have thought that when I made that comment, it would have actually been the truth. Its not like we were in the woods and sticks were plentiful!



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