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Sunday, September 29. 2013
There are times in your parenting journey when despite all your love, you just can't make them feel better. Its so hard to watch them in pain and feeling miserable knowing that you have tried everything in your bag of tricks and then some. You have dragged them reluctantly to appointment after appointment, held them down for tests and procedures as they screamed and your heart broke into a million pieces because instead of protecting them in the way they want you to, you are holding them down and forcing them to endure pain as the medical personnel search for a vein for blood draws and IVs or do other tests and procedures. Having to miss the first day of school, spending hours in medical appointments and the ER, feeling awful and missing fun activities with family and friends and yet being full of life and energy at others. The frustration of not being able to figure out what triggers these episodes and the inconsistency of their nature. A few great days followed by one or two not so great, followed by a not so bad, mixed with more great and a few horrible painful episodes and pretty soon it all runs together. Following directions, enduring pain and never truly understanding what is happening. This is poor A-girl's reality, for now.
Last summer, she developed severe stomach pains. No other symptoms just severe stomach pains. After about a month of questions, altering diet and trying various medications the stomach aches ended without any recurrence until this summer. Almost to the week. Unfortunately this year, the symptoms are more severe are not responsive to the medications. There is no consistency and diet changes and restrictions are not having the same results as last year. After three months, A-girl is still doubling over in pain. Still pushing through pain with a smile on her face but its wearing on her. Her performance in school isn't as good as previously. She worries and is anxious about getting the stomach aches when we aren't at home. Her eyes are dull instead of having that shimmering. She is resourceful and has figured out ways to ease the pain and miss a bit of the activity instead of having to go home. There seem to be patterns and then when we think we have an idea, things change and it no longer seems to matter. Patience seems to be the biggest requirement, yet it is what is wearing thin. This coming week, in our search for knowledge and understanding, A-girl has to endure more procedures. The prep isn't fun and I am not looking forward to making her do things and putting her through this experience knowing we may be no closer to figuring things out and may need to continue this waiting game for many more weeks/months. Its moments like this that I so wish just loving her as much as I do was enough to make everything better.